Right on time, as I’ve been deepening my meditation, and stepping into the inky blackness of my own source, up surged the darkly encrusted funk of the shadowy unconscious realm. A deep pattern of conditioning emerged – pre-verbal, deep trauma of this lifetime- a pattern that has completely flavoured and curtailed vibrancy in every single aspect of my life. I was ready to heal it, and thrilled to have my friend and colleague Daisy Nokes as a guide in this work – and so here’s what I did.
I know this time of year can be tricky – super triggering of old shadows. A break from our usual rhythm of life can be welcome, but if it’s loaded with toxic substances (or toxic people – or toxic amounts of non-toxic substances), it doesn’t feel like such a rest…. I honour and am sending my love to those of you for whom this is a challenging time. I really get it. I am sending you my love.
And to the rest of you, I hope that you have enjoyed yourself and not strayed to far from your best resources. 😉
Having had some family trauma associated with this holiday, I have spent my adult life crafting ‘Alternative Christmas’ options. I have offered my time in service of those in need, I have departed the shores where Christmas is celebrated…. I have tried to cultivate alternative traditions with friends. Over the years, I’ve tried a lot of things. To offset the edgy doldrums and creaky sadness of bad memories. To stave off the regrets and the agitation.
I really did a pretty radical departure from normal Christmas this time – and one that had paid such dividends in terms of satisfaction that I still can’t quite believe it.
I decided to use the amazingly quiet and uninterrupted time in London to COMPLETELY DE-CLUTTER my home.
And BOY oh BOY do I feel good right now. With the help of a devoted student (I am so grateful!) I got about a week’s clearing done in two days. It was long work, but so rewarding. Having gone through my library, wardrobe, and bathroom, I’m now ready to tackle my EMAILS. I want to see
Awwww yeah. Everything has it’s place.
Maybe this isn’t sexy to anyone but me, but I feel so super sexy and clear – what an incredible way to step into the new year. On reflection, I can see that part of my satisfaction comes unexpectedly from being able to stick a typically troublesome tendency – the tendency to take charge and be in control – and put it to good use.
I am aware that I am not in control of much in this life – this is pretty fundamental to my way of being at this stage of my life…. But I am definitely in control of what book stays and which one goes – and how much paper I want to file – and which dresses make the 2015 cut! It was amazing to direct that part of my being that wants to be in control towards something so useful and helpful. And I realised – how did this slip under my radar? – I sometimes feel like a victim of my own stuff. Some of my quotidian overwhelm has to do with not taking the time to make tiny decisions like: ‘Recycle this – now’. What a metaphor, eh? And I have a whole new set of jobs to give my inner Bossy Pants. Get her out of my life path and into a filing project. Now that’s what I call a Merry Christmas.
Meanwhile, I sit in the seat of being not in control of much else. As a yogi I surf the edges of my knowing, always tracking into uncharted territory, never with a map. Though of course I set goals and all the rest of the normal plotting my way through life, in some fundamental way, I have dug deep into not-knowing. Especially in this last cycle of my life. My amazing friend Lisa Larn calls it ‘candle-stepping’ – when you can’t see in front of you further than the light of a candle.
Candle Stepping is both terrifying and a relief. Terrifying because there is no reassurance that you are taking the ‘right’ step – all you get to know is what the candle’s light can tell you. It’s a relief because my body knows this is a more true way to live. I get to dwell in the freedom of truth –
the truth is I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON
and I get to stay free from all of my concepts and ideas of who and what I am and get with the immediacy of what is really needed, not in terms of self-concept – but in terms of a much larger frame of reality. And I can feel some level of habituated tension – the tension I associate with TRYING to do stuff – – melt as I move like this.
The truth is – I am more interested in COMMAND than ‘control’. Command is the culture of deeper flow that comes from listening. It is the discipline of honouring life’s natural pace even if you want it to be different. It is an interest in POWER over FORCE. Power is intrinsic, it’s yours to be enjoyed. Force is always manipulation. Command is the province of wisdom. Control is it’s contracted simulacrum.
If I listen to where my inner energy is naturally leaning, then I can skillfully pour even more of myself in that direction.
If I get into ideas and notions – the jig’s up.
Command. That’s my jam.
Leaning in and listening this fall, I had a vision of what next year’s theme would be.
I thought about all the most sparkly and romantic and joyful vibes of life. I thought about Rapture, which is one of my core desired states of being, and I came upon the theme of Divine Enchantment.
And I have sat with this intention – and come to realise that it’s different from what I thought it was when it first occurred to me.
I thought it would be all about crafting some spell to bring certain things into our lives that we think will make us feel divinely enchanted.
But in fact, the big invitation is
TO PUT SPIRIT AT THE CENTRE
As author and inspiratrice Gabrielle Bernstein recently wrote:
‘That’s right. The #1 way to manifest the life you’ve been dreaming of is to establish a spiritual practice.’
I have also realised that the core of my teaching path is in guiding people towards a Spirit at the Centre life.
I am noting that Gabrielle uses the term ‘establish’ – she doesn’t say ‘start’ or ‘have’ a spiritual practice.
SPIRITUAL PRACTICE IS AN ESTABLISHMENT.
A place to reside, and a place from which to conduct all of the affairs of life.
I know how enchanted life becomes when spirit takes its rightful place. Because Spirit is what you are, beyond time and space, beyond body and mind – it’s what you ARE are –
making it the centre aligns with what is really true and opens the door to magic.
It’s this SPIRIT AT THE CENTRE living that keeps me listening – that keeps me anchored in Command over control.
It keeps me sweet and tender even when conditions are harsh.
It knows me better than I know myself, so it helps me discover MORE all the time.
In 2016 I am open to being enchanted by this process
to surrendering to what is bigger than me
to enjoying the power and the majesty of Life
in all of her expressions.
If you want to share your thoughts and intentions for this year – please do. I love to hear from you, more than I can express.
I offer my love to you now, unencumbered by conditions or any desire for you to be different in any way. I honour your perfection just as you are, always, right now.
With all of my heart –
In recognition of the Spirit that we both are,
I wish you the most blessed New Year, may it be divinely enchanted, in every way.